Let’s talk about it.
Grooming is a form of abuse that is geared toward children and young people. When I looked up the definition, that is what the internet gave me. But, personally, it can happen to people of all ages. It’s harder to do with adults, but it still happens. I’ll let you in on a secret. I was groomed. It is weird to say it, let alone write it down. But here it is. Putting your trust in other people is a gamble. You don’t know if you will come out great or think that you are. There is a difference. Your thoughts don’t always reflect reality. And I think that is the biggest point that people forget about the process of grooming. You get told something enough, you will start to believe it.
Looking back at my own experiences, I think the lack of accountability that person had for the situation kind of got to me. Because I am an adult, there was a way for the groomer to slide out without fully shouldering the blame. And because of that, you think to yourself, “If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be in this situation.” or “I agreed, so it’s my fault.” The amount of blame you put on yourself is more than the amount of said person you trusted. That isn’t fair to you. They were deliberately being deceptive to get what they want. People talk about always being honest. Well, what happens when that honesty is used for selfishness. Is it still a wonderful thing?
Now don’t get me wrong. I will always tell a person, to be honest, tell the truth, speak facts. I’m for truth, no lies. But what I’m getting at is that even the truth can be used to hurt. Growing up, we are taught to always tell the truth. Yes, that is a start. But I think what we as people need to start doing is teaching sincerity and self-reflection with it. Ask yourself, “Why are you saying this?”, “What do you want this person to get from what you are sharing?”, “Should you be sharing this information with this person?” Sometimes we put ourselves in awful situations because of what we say and who we choose to trust. That was me. I talked too much when I should have been quiet. I was so happy that someone was finally willing to listen that I spilled everything. It was a relief at the moment, but the long-term effects had me in tears and hurting. So much was taken from me that I can never get back… The scenes that I remember and the disgust that I feel. How does one deal with the pain of not only losing a “friend” but losing yourself?
How does one heal from the hurt of past abuse? I’ll tell you now, I recognize that I can’t trust as easily as before. I can’t open up to others like I use to. My friend circle is small for a reason. I shy away from new people (mainly men). Not only was he the center of the abuse, but I also noticed that the guy friends I had surrounded myself with had some of the same traits as him. So they were all cut off. Some may think that was unfair to the other guys if they hadn’t done anything outright. And what I say to that, when I tried to take a step back, I was met with aggression and vile words. Don’t get it twisted; some women were cut off too. But it was more men than women.
Anyway. There are other things related to this topic that I want to talk about in detail. My walk with God during this time, discernment, healing, and what good people look like. Maybe I’ll share more of my story… maybe.
Verse: Psalms 120: 1-7
Song: The Middle by Mree